AdamJD

The Perfect Sneeze

It’s Friday, therefore, it’s my job to act more retarded than I did last week.  That’s the challenge, here’s the solution:

Today I discovered the perfect sneeze.  I wish I had another sneeze.  You just can’t have that much fun without one. 

It starts off with a humongous blast.  I mean, really exaggerate and force it out in volcanic explosiveness.  Then just grab armfuls of stuff and create a whirlwind of random trash flying all around you.  Make sure you end up with wrinkled clothes and stuff in your messed-up hair after way too much noise. 

Eventually, you have to lose you balance, fall on a chair or something and bring it to the ground with you.  Struggle some while kicking everything that’s not living within your leg’s radius.  3-5 seconds later, end the routine with a silent and awkward unconscious pose with some unnecessary ingredient, like one leg uncomfortably up agents a wall and items camped out on your head or something.  Give it 10 seconds of still silence, and you’ve performed the perfect sneeze.

It might sound like too much, but trust me, it’s well worth it.  You’ll get lame comments like “are you having a seizure?”, not be be obtained by any other means.