I wonder if I can get some input from anyone…
As ya’ll know, at the end of last year I met this awesome girl who lives far away. We’ve been dating long-distance since around Jan or so I guess. After months of talking for hours every day, as well as a few trips across the US to see each other, we know it’s time to take it a step further… to actually live in the same city so we can be together.
Her parents are bummed by the fact that there’s so much established for me here in AZ, while Jess just finished with school in Georgia, and is starting fresh now back at home in Florida. No matter what we decide, people will be disappointed and doors will be opened as others are closed. I know pleasing other people is the most destructive basis of decision-making. Yeah, I could easily make the decision that I feel is right and go for it, but I think it’d just like to see what everyone says:
Get my butt over to Florida to start fresh with Jess, or bring her into my life here? Why?
you should both move to mississippi. it’s neutral ground, plus i could be your wacky neighbor
I have just joined Xanga and found your site. Um – you did say that ‘pleasing other people is the most destructive basis of decision-making’ after asking for opinions. Not being picky.
I do know one thing – if you BOTH keep your focus on the Lord and the Lord alone, not what you want or what she wants, HE will lead you where HE wants – if you both listen to HIM. And remember that the Lord gives us (you and her) parents for protection and advice. If your parents are listening to HIM, talk to them.
Adam, you’re gonna make people sad/mad no matter what…I know what I’m talking about. But if you guys think that this is what you have to do then there has to be compromise. Think of the logistical things. Will it be easy for one of you to get jobs wherever you/her move to? How hard will it be for either of you to move? Things like that etc. But most of all don’t listen to anyone else. See what God is telling you, and if you don’t get anything specific (like a voice from Heaven saying “Adam move to Florida”) then continue to walk with Him daily as you decide what you want to do. Either option can be in His will as long as you take Him with you. With us, it was “we know what God wants, so we will just get married, because we know we don’t need the time to test the waters (we do have the REST OF OUR LIVES to get used to one another).” And no amount of living in the same city can prepare you for married life. But that may not be for you…obviously not yet…but just be wise in the decisions you make…have God’s wisdom…and keep leaning on Him. I just hope that gives a little clarity, or direction.
Its always hard. This is the reason my last relationship (a long distance one) failed and I vowed never to do another. The best plan of action, rather than ask other people, is to discuss it between yourselves. No egos. And both of you should put what you have established where you live aside. Just pray about it together and try to figure out what you should do. God has a plan in mind, so try to find that.
~ETL
I heard it’s happening in Ethiopia… shoot i know i’d move there if I got married.. but maybe it’s just me.. I don’t know.
Ethiopia? I’m so confused…
Well, I am sure it’s absolutely difficult to hear what God would have you do with all of your heart wanting to be close to Jess. Of course we want you to be here because we love you! I have no clue what God wants. You know I did the long distance thing too and it was wonderfully awful. It came to a point where you are at now, deciding how to get closer together. In the end, I knew in my heart that true love will always be true love. I wanted what I wanted so badly that it hurt but I knew that being patient wouldn’t kill me. (Even if I felt that it would) In the end, something that I had complete faith and hope in turned out to die even though I believed with all of my heart that it couldn’t.
I would say to you, keep seeking what God would have you two do. Don’t do anything until you are 100% sure. It can’t be 50% or 75%. God will let you know. It might mean a little more time to suffer the distance, but have faith in love that it is not a power that will fade away. “The passion of love bursting into flame is more powerful than death, stronger than the grave. Love cannot be drowned by oceans or floods; it cannot be bought nomatter what is offered.” Song of Songs 8:6-7
You don’t have to fear that it’s going anywhere! 😀 Although your heart may be frantic, be patient and you will have nothing to regret. Or move to Ethiopia… 😉
Absolutely good advice. Totally true.
hmm… 🙂 What if it’s not difficult at all to hear God with love powers for Jess bein there? Maybe if I was any bit confused or doubtful, but you wouldn’t believe the signs we gain on a daily basis. On so many levels we can see that we were made for each other. I pray every day that I’m totally willing to give her up and do whatever God wants me to do. God replies with providing just a more intense, mature love for her. I could write forever explaining all of it if I didn’t feel like I’d just be braging.
It’s amazing, and this wonderful girl, no matter how long we have to wait or what we have to go through, is ‘the one’. I guess I already have all the questions and tests processed in my mind about her and as we take this next step, I’m just looking for people’s personal opinions about where we take it.
At the same time thank you SO much for love and willingness to jump up and give me all the advise and help you can. You’re all so much the bomb of ness.
First of all you should pray about it.. what God says means more than what anyone on here or any family member tells you.. if you do what he says I PROMISE everything will work out great!!
hey there…looks like you got some good comments. The only thing I would add is since you know she is the “one” I would dish out some money for a Christian counselor. I’m a strong believer in them before marriage. Most counselors’ take you through workbooks which have many topics in them from finances to what your mate does that frustrates you. You find out things you might not know about the other person. At the end of the sessions they will tell you if you guys are compatible and issues that might be rocky in your marriage. Prv 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they will succeed.” I personally might seek a counselor for the decision of you or her moving. But that’s just me because that’s a very big decision to make. If you do decide to do counseling…I don’t know if it’d be better to do this online (that is if counselors do that) or if it’d be better to wait until you both move in the same location. Whatever you decide to do though is your decision no matter what people think. I know you will do the right thing though. I so happy for you and pray God will guide you through your decisions. Be Blessed 🙂
You cant make everyone happy, its just the fact. The way I see it, is that if she’s just starting out, then does it matter where she starts? She just turning a new page. I dont think that both of you should go start all new. You gotta depend on something. I dunno if that was confusing or not. Im a tad bit tired. Well just pray buddy.