I’m tired of trying to impress people. When I try, I fail and when I don’t try, I usually suceed… but I don’t want to care anymore. Everyday I wake up and I feel cursed with the drive to be cool in everyone’s eyes. I talk how they talk… I say things I think they’d want to hear… and the result is that I’m a nut.
This is no way to live. I realize it’s stupid. Impressing anyone is a false aim; if it happens to occur, it should be the result of being real, not an effort. Some people think who I really am is dumb and other people are waiting for me to be myself so they can enjoy it.
I guess most of the time I am real… there’s just certian people that make me react stupid. It must be the result of foriegn personalities.
Here’s the stratagy I take: It’s so uncomfortable to feel that awkward power that I just mimic it. If I can impress a wierdo by playing a wierdo, I’ll also learn to understand the wierdo’s mind… then I won’t have to be anyone but myself by then because it will no longer be an “awkward power” or “foriegn personality”. That’s a strange way of dealing with people, huh?
I need to do something, about like this, instead:
“4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!
5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”
from Phillipians 4
It’s hard to be humble and to not want that “good job” or “you rock” reaction. of COURSE we rock! (j.k.) Ah, really. The people who are going to love you without you trying are truly going to love YOU. They will love you in your darkest and ulgiest moments and hug you when you are a fool. Those are true friends and people who will be in your heart and soul. Those are the only people that matter.
Haha, yeah bro. I’m pretty much the same way. I often try to mimic the person’s personality I’m talking to, or maybe a personality that I’ve gotten a good response from. For example at times I’ll use a certain type of sarcastic humor around certain people that I wouldn’t others. this is all to a degree, though. I won’t ever really change who I am completely. I’ll always be the same goofy dumb-face I am now. 😀
But for me this is all somewhat on the sub-concious(sp?) level. So I dunno.
But I do know that as long as you have the joy of the Lord on your heart, it doesn’t really matter all to much.
God bless ya bro.