We’re getting closer to our move. As things start to pick up, I want to get my thoughts down now, before we leave, along with my current perspective.
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| A rough idea of the route and distance we’ll travel each day (Week of May 22)
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“Hometown” Changes
Months before, through almost 2 years following our wedding, we lived in Jess’ hometown of Sebring, FL. It was really nice to become a family unit within her family. As our marriage continued to grow, we then moved to my hometown of Sierra Vista, AZ; partially for the same reason. Just as I had the joy of really becoming related to her side of our family, she too has become close to my side of our family.
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| Jess and my parents… being related. |
We’ve lived in her hometown and we’ve lived in my hometown. Now we feel we’re going to “our hometown”. About 3 1/2 years after being here, we are 2 weeks away from this journey… to let a somewhat foreign place become a kind of home base for the next huge network of opportunities to grow and be an influence to people who we don’t yet know. It’s exciting!
I have to admit though, the last two weeks have been rough. I’m sure the next two will be filled with the same feelings: regrets and joys of the past collide with fears and hopes of the future. The thoughts are unavoidable, but processing them is vital.
Regrets of the Past:
Relationships. I’ve allowed a past wound to keep me relationally-distant. I’ve been stuck with the false perception that people are like fire: it feels nice to be nearby, but hurts to be close. It’s unfortunate how habitually misdirecting pain can be. Instead of pushing myself to invest in people as much as I’ve felt I should, I’ve kept this subconscious fear and injury in control. I wish I had overcome this, especially in the midst of hundreds of people I know here; many I’ve grown up with and many more I should have grown with period.
Joys of the Past:
A long list of in-spite-of-me’s. I know the Lord has continued to take my pinches of faith and sprinkles of obedience and multiply “meals” through them; to do what He wants to do in people’s lives. I don’t know the half of them, but that adds to the joy. I don’t need to. It’s a joy just to know that much. He always puts me in situations and positions that I don’t deserve, or usually even crave, just to do things through me that I know I’m incapable of. I don’t want life any other way.
Fears of the Future:
Distant. They all are… but they’re still there, lurking like silhouettes on the horizon. We know that fear is driven off by something much bigger. I still know what appears crazy to my human mind though: It appears crazy that we’ll have no jobs and two houses for at least a few weeks, moving to an area where there seems to be a high percentage of people hunting for jobs. It appears crazy that we don’t even know what “the big reasons” we’re moving are yet (but just one general idea). It appears crazy that we have no solid connection to any person, place or thing within hours of our new house. The appearance of fears is easily replaced though, because the substance of hope is so overwhelming…
Hope for the Future:
“I will never leave you or forsake you.” Coming from the heart of the Creator, there’s not much else I’ll ever need to hear, but He keeps affirming with things like “I have plans for you… plans to prosper and not to harm you, but to give you a hope and a future.” We also know that “All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes…”
Jess and I want to be sure we’re following nothing hollow; nothing “churchy“ or religious, nothing man-made, nor of darkness. As opposite as it sounds to my human mind, the only thing with substance is this abundance of hope. It’s the one thing we’re sure of …and right now He says “Go!”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”
This is our attempt at that … to give the pinch of faith and sprinkle of obedience that we have. We’ve nothing else to offer and He requires nothing else to allow us to live in the joy of Him doing greater things through us than we could dream of.
So here we go!
my my apple pie and in between the soft machine keeps on whirring but dawn will break and still the lake that peering into provides a view of the to be and who we really are in glow of His song over us